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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|